Your wedding guest list is always a controversial topic, especially when exes are involved. This begs the question, is it ever appropriate to invite your ex-partner to the wedding? Sometimes, the answer to this question is obvious. If the thought of your ex getting their groove onto 'Hit Me Baby One More Time' with your friends and family makes you want to throw your veil on the floor and storm off in tears- then this article isn't for you. If the issue is in any way contentious, don't invite them- it's as simple as that. Both you and your partner need to feel comfortable on your special day. Make sure the focus is on you and your spouse having the time of your lives; uninterrupted by 'you know who...' However, if your situation isn't as black and white as that, then we hope the below advice helps steer you in the right direction. So, without further ado, let's dive on in!

When it comes to it, there are only two situations where it's appropriate to invite an ex...

 

1.) Was this 'relationship' part of your childhood past, or a high school fling?

Now a lot of people wouldn't even list these kinds of relationships as proper 'ex's' mainly because they probably didn't leave a massive mark on your life. You know the sorts of juvenile relationships we're talking about; your sixth-grade boyfriend who you were 'with' for a couple of months, or a high school crush that never materialized, or an old date you went to one dance with, etc. These situations are kind of cute to reminisce about (and that's where it ends) and let's face it, everyone has experiences like this. If you're still friends now, then providing your partner is entirely comfortable with them being there, then there shouldn't be any harm in inviting them to the wedding. If you're having trouble deciding whether your old dalliance falls into this bracket, ask yourself the following questions;

• Was this relationship over and done with years ago?
• Can you and your partner/ ex-partner laugh about it now?
• Are you sure this social dynamic is 100{0e676ec2f44ecabe7dbad24894a5f60517719a136bc7f0c20d97b4a1320db0ec} drama free?

If the answer's yes to all of the above, then you shouldn't go too far wrong!

2.) Would everyone be cool with your ex being at the wedding?

Obviously, if your partner isn't okay with them being there, you should prioritize that above anything. This is your day, and if their presence is going to make them feel uncomfortable, you should just bite the bullet and not invite them- there's a good chance your ex will understand and respect your decision. However, many would agree that this same principle extends to your parents, close friends, and in-laws. You have to ask yourself, how would they feel about them being there? List your most important wedding guests and consider how your ex effects them. If the answer's 'not in the slightest,' then that's great! However, if there's a chance it's going to cause needless animosity, then consider leaving them off the guest list.

What if you've had kids (who will be at the wedding) with your ex?

This is by far the trickiest situation to navigate. Obviously, each case is entirely unique to one another, so there isn't a clear-cut answer to this scenario. However, if the children involved are still very young, they'll need someone to look after them, especially if you're unsure how they'll process this significant change in their lives. If this is a concern for you and your new partner, and you're on good terms with your ex, then it might be a good idea to have them there. However, if you have the slightest suspicion that the ex-spouse will 'play up' then cut your losses and ask a close friend or family member to help take care of the children on your special day.

We Recommend not inviting your ex if any of the following apply;

1.) Are you worried about how your ex will behave?

Are you even the tiniest bit concerned about how your ex will behave. For example, do you think they're in danger of doing any of the following;

• Will they be rude about you or your new partner to your guests, or to your faces? By this we mean sly digs, bringing up old arguments, inappropriately flirting with you, etc.
• Can they handle their drink? Is there a chance they'll get drunk and get nasty? The last thing you want is any drunken tears about 'what could have been' or a fist fight breaking out on the dance floor!

2.) Your partner hasn't met them before

Typically, couples are together for a few years before tying the knot. So, to randomly invite an ex who you've never mentioned before or your partner hasn't met previously, may come across as odd. If you think it'll cause a rift with your partner, it's probably not even worth bringing up.

3.) Are they bringing a date? If so, how will they behave?

For obvious reasons, you'll probably want to give your ex a plus one. However, if you've never met their new partner, or if you're worried about how they'll behave, then do yourself a favor and don't bother inviting either of them- it'll be a lot easier in the long run.

4.) Is it weird to introduce them as your 'friend'?

If you don't feel you can introduce your ex as a 'friend' to other wedding guests (because everyone knows your history), then don't put yourself through the awkwardness of having them there. Your wedding day really isn't the time to try this social experiment!

Would you ever invite your ex your wedding?

Let us know in the comments whether you'd ever invite your ex to your special day; we'd love to hear from you! Also, if you enjoyed this article, we're confident you'll love this feature we published a couple of weeks ago; The Ultimate Guide to Nailing Your Wedding Table Plan. Enjoy! Rosie Greaves- Freelance writer, and wedding and relationships expert.